Co-parenting doesn’t have to be hard – creating a co-parenting plan that works for everybody just takes a bit of time, and the willingness to work together with everybody involved. Here’s Gillbanks Family Law guide to creating a schedule that suits everybody.
Firstly – remember it’s all about the children!
They may not be able to decide for themselves, depending on their ages, but the children of the family are the most important people in any co-parenting plan. Their best interests need to be at the forefront of any plans you make.
A checklist to consider when you’re thinking about their best interests might be:
- Physical – food and shelter, physical exercise, medical needs, safety.
- Emotional – mental health considerations, relationships with parents and extended family members.
- Their wishes -depending on age and developmental stage.
You might also consider the physical distance between your homes, locations of schools, friends and activities, both parents work routines, and workplaces.
Organising a co-parenting plan
When you’re creating your co-parenting plan, it’s important to work together and make sure that everyone is happy with it -make it something that suits everyone so that it’s easy to stick to. There will always be times when life doesn’t go to plan, but if you have a workable plan in place for co-parenting, it makes life much easier for everyone…especially the children, who won’t want to be dealing with parents arguing over who stays where or with whom.
A co-parenting schedule needs to be adaptable enough to meet your child’s needs as they grow too. Family courts tend to recommend sharing the care of the children to reinforce that it is important for the children to remain in contact with both parents. The sharing of the care can be an equal split of time or unequal split of time. It is important that the allocation of time in the different houses works for the children and what works for one family might not work for another .
Some smaller children might do well with shorter periods and moving around more whilst others need more security and more time in one place, some older children with school commitments and friends might prefer longer with one parent than another or it might suit them to move around more to fit in with out of school activities- it’s important to take issues like this into account too. Alternating weekends and mid-week visitations might work for some families, or if both parents live a long distance apart, the children could spend some of the school holidays with the parent furthest away from their school if that works?
Communicate!
Make sure that you plan for how you and your co-parent will stay in touch – and how they will stay in touch with the children, too. There are helpful apps like OurFamilyWizard which can help – they offer a secure platform for parents to keep the lines of communication open. In some cases, courts have been known to order that parents use the app to communicate over the children, so it’s a reliable app to use.
Parents can easily keep in touch with the children themselves, and face-to-face communication is much easier these days with video calls, Face Time and other apps – make sure that you let the children talk to their other parent as much as possible to maintain relationships while apart from the other parent.
Don’t forget the finances in a co-parenting plan
Money can be a sticking point in the creation of a co-parenting schedule. Make sure that both parents know what any maintenance payments cover; it can help to keep a log of child-related expenses to make sure that everything is being accounted for – especially if one parent has more money than the other. Platforms like https://www.ourfamilywizard.co.uk/ can help you organise finances or expenses for the children.
If finances are an issue, you might consider contacting a family law professional at Gillbanks Family Law for advice on next steps.
Consider how you’ll deal with child-related costs that come up unexpectedly. Will you share them, or take it on a case-by-case basis? Knowing this in advance saves fraught discussions at a later date, or a parent being resentful and out of pocket.
It can take time and effort to agree arrangements for children after separation or divorce, but with the right attitude and in some cases, guidance from a professional – such as one of our family law experts at Gillbanks Family Law – it can be done, and it will save a great deal of stress.